How Much to Reveal about your Ethnicity on the First Date

We all know that beautiful feeling of the first date butterflies. Whether you’ve swiped right on Tinder, finally asked out the guy at your regular cafe, or worked up the courage to ask out a girl at the gym, the first date is about to happen. First dates are a special time to get to know another person and see if there is a future ahead. First dates are a time to share your past, your present, your hopes and your dreams.

However, first dates are a precarious time in deciding how much to reveal at once, especially for black white dating. You may have known this person for a while, but you haven’t known them in an intimate first date setting. Sure, this person knows that you have a different ethnic background to them, but how much detail do you want to tell them about your upbringing. How important is your race, culture, and heritage during the first date?

It’s a personal choice!

Obviously, it goes without saying that this is totally up to you. If you aren’t comfortable discussing you’re race, don’t. There are ways to politely change the subject if you aren’t happy with where the conversation is going. Just stay true to your own feelings and your own views on topics of race.

Be prepared for some awkward questions

It can be uncomfortable when someone you’re on a date with asks ignorant or dumb questions. These can range from “so how long have you been learning English for?” when you’re a third-generation native born English speaker. Or another classic one is “what do you normally do for Christmas?” when you’re actually Hindi or Muslim. These can be awkward, but hopefully the person you’re on the date with will be open minded enough to move on from it!

Make it a joke

If you’re comfortable enough, you can have a laugh about racial or ethnic stereotyping that you’ve grown up with. Let the person know that you’re aware of societal views. Even have a laugh with them about ‘growing up white’ and throw in a few white privilege jokes if it’s going well.

Stick to talking about yourself

On the first date of interracial dating, it is better to talk mostly about yourself. You don’t want to go too far into your family history unless you’re feeling really comfortable. Save stories of your parents heritage and their life for a bit further down the track. After all, it’s your first date and you want to paint a picture of yourself.

Don’t let race define you

Let your date know that you are confident with your ethnic heritage, but it doesn’t define you. Sure, you’ve faced different challenges in your upbringing, but every had their own stories of the past. Just try not let it be the focal point of the conversation. There will inevitably be times in the conversation that you compare and contrast your childhood stories, but it won’t just be about racial differences!